Your Mom Should Not Be Your Wedding Coordinator!

Having a wedding planner makes the big day more enjoyable for the bride and groom, but there are others who benefit as well.  Every successful wedding has at least one person who takes on a lot of the wedding planner duties.  If you don’t have a wedding planner, I can probably guess who will end up doing the work. I like to call them Wedding Planner Moms. Most often this is the mother of the bride, but grooms’ mothers can sneak in there as well. When no one has been hired to manage the details on the big day, Mom takes the reins.

Often, Wedding Planner Moms do a great job. After all, moms have plenty of practice at coordinating. Moms know the couple and their tastes.  Moms are usually involved in planning the wedding.  And most moms have had their own wedding. They have unique qualities.

Wedding Planner Moms end up missing the big day.
My own Wedding Planner Mom.


The thing Wedding Planner Moms don’t have is clones. While many moms make great wedding planners, most of them would also like to enjoy the wedding. It’s hard to be Wedding Planner Mom andMother of the Bride. To give you a better understanding, I want to share this letter I received after helping out some friends with their wedding.

When my daughter first told me that she was planning to use the services of a wedding planner, I was not convinced that this was necessary.  I had successfully coordinated my older daughter’s wedding five years before and I felt that we were capable of doing this wedding as well. However, my daughter was keen on the idea, so Kirstin Patzer was brought in to coordinate her wedding on August 5, 2011.   Much to my surprise, I found Kirstin’s services to be tremendously valuable.  Even my husband commented on how helpful it was to have Kirstin involved.  Kirstin provided advice as well as concrete assistance with the planning and execution of the wedding.  She is a great problem solver and can be tactfully assertive when necessary, without being offensive.

 A few weeks prior to the wedding, Kirstin confirmed details with all the vendors involved and took detailed notes so that everyone was well informed and deadlines were met. My daughter and her husband each had five attendants and managing them was like herding ferrets.  At the rehearsal she helped gather and focus the participants.  She also tactfully managed a couple of participants whose advice was well intentioned but uninvited. I appreciated her stepping in at this point, as I was tired and wearing thin.

 On the day of the wedding, many people were late due to a nearby event filling up the surrounding parking lots.  The late arrivals included an usher and a guest book attendant that were to arrive early to greet guests.  This could have been a big headache for me, but Kirstin was able to reallocate ushers and find a guest to substitute at the guest book table.  Several important family members were also late so the wedding actually started 30 minutes late.  Again this could have resulted in me or another family member running back and forward from the foyer to the bride’s room to give us updates. However because we had Kirstin taking care of the situation, I was able to wait with my daughter and her father while Kirstin kept us informed of who was missing and who had arrived.  It was such a relief to have someone dependable to take over these details.

 Kirstin was also extremely helpful in ensuring that the reception venue was set up correctly the day before the wedding.  After the ceremony she took down the decorations at the church and moved the ceremony flowers to the reception.  When she arrived at the hall she realized that someone had overlooked putting the fresh flowers on the cake, so she dressed the cake herself.

 At my oldest daughter’s wedding I recall being busy overseeing details and problem solving throughout the wedding.  There are a number of pictures that show me in the background directing people.    Thanks to Kirstin’s help, I was able to relax at my youngest daughter’s wedding and enjoy our guests.  I barely noticed that there were a few things that needed to be handled and I can confidently recommend Kirstin’s services.


 Sheila Stauffer

This family was so much fun to work with.  I’m so glad this mom could be present for her daughter.  While I put in a long day of work, she could spend time with her family and guests.  And maybe even pull out a few baby picture surprises!

Moms should be enjoying the company of family and friends, and celebrating their child’s love.  They are too often missing in action.  Wedding Planner Moms deserve the day off.

Show your mom some love and hire a wedding planner. She should be telling embarrassing stories, not paying the caterer!

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